What To Do When Nothing Seems To Be Working...

We all have these moments at one point or another. A situation, relationship, inner experience that just won't seem to yield to any of our best efforts at change.

The first thing is to take stock. What's the reality around what I'm dealing with in the situation at hand. Let me put all the facts on the table, so I can see what's the fabrication of insecurity either as a projection of fantasy or an attempt to solidify doubt. This is a really great thing to do in writing.

Next, getting clear about what my unmet needs and wants are about it...and being truthful about what I may be avoiding doing, looking at, and acknowledging that would get some flow moving. AND immediately doing, looking at, or acknowledging fully. OR, what am I doing that is a dis-service to my intentions, where am I leaking energy by engaging with the "unnecessary".

For many things, these steps will get things moving in a healthy direction, create more expansion, and open deeper clarity.

What if they don't? What if I really go for it, and am still feeling like it's "stuck"?

At this point, my intuition tells me that its probably a major life lesson, and that I'm being offered an opportunity to grow exponentially based on how I show up for myself and any related elements and people in the midst of the "stuckness".

When something like this pops its head up (mine seems to usually be around finance so far), the normal trend is for it to bring up insecurity, fear, and doubt...with a layer over it of anger, resentment, and frustration. These emotions, while having a sort of reality, can be a way of staying distracted from the best path of action and being. They can take on an overwhelming life of their own. One that seeks to involve other people's energy and attention, and none of it making any difference, only adding to the emotional turmoil, the emotional drama.

Example ~ my finances continue to expand and contract and expand and contract. When the finances appear to be contracting, it can trigger massive insecurity and distrust in the Universe having my back. Along with the insecurity and distrust, comes fear of very bleak ego-imagined future. If I let these feelings hang around, unquestioned, unexplored, and if I don't do the work of connecting with self-love....oh brother! Watch out! This is the place where I'm likely to stub a toe, forget things, run late, rush, get irritable with customer service providers, make poor nutritional decisions, etc. Sound at all familiar? And then, top it all off with some frothy self-judgment...if you've been walking the spiritual path, you might hear the voice that says, 'You should know better by now. Maybe you're devolving,' or something fairly close.

"You'll have much less drama with money in your personal life if you hold your value more."
~ David Elliott

I can't suppress those voices, as that'll only give them more fuel for their next appearance. And ignoring them is fruitless as well. PRESENCE.

I've got to get present. There are likely more ways of getting present than there are humans on the planet. So this isn't about the "right way" to get present, it's about trusting your common sense and doing what you know to do, and doing it NOW.

So back to the example around finance. Let's say I've already done everything I know to do around my finances and my work for the moment. Bills have been paid and/or explicit agreements have been made with all bill collectors. And let's say there's no real sense of where the next chunk of money's going to come from, or when. Then what?

PRESENCE. First, I get to cleaning. Physically cleaning all the spaces I occupy. Even if I just cleaned the day before. There's always fresh dust to clean in a place with hardwood floors and lots of surfaces. Point being, there's always something that can be cleaned. It's a way of honoring and expressing gratitude for what I have (why give me more if I'm not appreciating what I already have?). This usually yields immediate insight or intuition about what needs my focus next to engage more flow.

PRESENCE. How am I showing up for EVERYTHING? It might seem daunting, but it yields a rich harvest. Every footstep, every breath, every word is an opportunity for me to birth something into the world. Even if I'm feeling like crap on the inside, I can still choose to reach into compassion, service, gratitude, and self-love in the presence of people and activities. It may be a longer growing cycle than say microwaved popcorn, yet the amount of love, attention, integrity, and authenticity I pour into this garden will produce great fruit, and SEEDS to share plant for future gardens.

OBSERVATION. My willingness to observe myself without judging while doing the above will bring even more awareness of what needs my attention next.

Gardening Relationships

This new garden of mine (although it seems funny to write that word 'mine', and actually try believing it to be true, that the garden is actually 'owned' by me....I'm a custodian for it, even though I paid the money for everything that went into it, however I'm merely a custodian for all of those resources as well. When I pretend to 'own' things, all this worry comes with it....being a custodian feels so much more liberating and enjoyable. I can enjoy it while it's in my care, and when/if the time comes for something to move into someone else's care, I can let it go. Now I'm not saying I've got this mastered, but I'm in that class!).......so, this newly planted garden --- Wow! What a teacher it's been in just the two and a half days it's been up on the roof. I think about it all day. I have a deep love for it, the smell of the soil combination, the brilliant greens of the plants, the box it's in, the ravens, crows, hummingbirds, hawk, flies, and smaller insects that all seem to be circulating above, around, and on it when I'm up there.....the Sun, Wind, Water, and Earth supporting it.....and the Spirit that moves through me, the Garden, and in-between.

This garden is teaching me more about relationships than I could've known. And while I'm pretty young (37 1/2....lol!), perhaps some of the learning is coming through age/experience. I'm seeing myself letting go of some of the urgency and hurry-up-and-get-there-already mentality that I carried with me for most of my life. I'm finding joy in the cultivation process, recognizing the need for things to work with time....cultivating the soil, letting the roots grow, not having to tamper with the plants just to feel involved in the process, to be attentive to the garden without needing it to be any other way than the way that it is.....these are just a few of the lessons from the garden these last several days.

And this garden IS a relationship.....a very intimate relationship that is filling me with so much love and fulfilment. It comes into my dreams at night, I feel it's living presence above the healing space in my apartment.

And in the process, I've felt the very strong and supportive presence of my ancestors.....who've farmed in this country, and probably the land of their home countries of origin for aeons. In particular, I recognize my Grandfather, Pat McCreary....my Mother's Father. I've felt him around me quite a bit more than usual these last few days, helping to guide my intuition around the garden...showing me his Heart more than ever through his connection to farming and cultivating. He wasn't known as an overtly affectionate man by his family, and yet from spending time with him before he left his body, in the years since, and in particular these last few days, I see and feel the PROFOUND amount of love that circulated through him. It was safer and more comfortable for him to express this love in more overt ways as a farmer than through his human relationships. We all have our own ways and learning processes, and I honor this as his. He has much to teach me about the relationship to cultivation, patience, and nature, and I look forward to learning from him.

I'm sure I'll be sharing more here as it comes!

Newly Built and Planted Garden Box

These are pictures of my newly planted Garden Box. It's 4'x4'x8"! Big thank you to my Dad and David Elliott for all the guidance on building materials and detailed teaching around setting it up!!! With each screw going in to the box, with each offering of sage, with each breath through the construction, soil-blending, planting of the first 3 plants, watering, and meditating on the garden I get more and more excited....feeling strong energy flows moving through my Awareness and body.....circulating through my heart and out through my hands. A couple of times last night the garden woke me up from sleep....I can feel it as a living relationship. I can tell that it has much to teach me about all of my relationships and cultivating the highest while engaging with patience, consistency, and LOVE. I'll post more pictures as the garden and I evolve together.