30 Days + of Gratitude ~ Day 23/24

1. I am grateful for the power of past discipline in my practices.  In traversing the the variety of terrain and weather in yesterday's 11+hour drive from Los Angeles to the high desert mountains of Sandia Park, New Mexico, there were three snow-storms to pass through, and two additional passengers to carry safely to "the Land of Enchantment" for this weekend's retreat.  There were periods of next to no visibility of the road, the lanes, the territory ahead, or even past my windshield when dark fell and the lights of oncoming cars would turn the window into a flash of white.  In my mind's eye, I could see the candles lit on the altar in New Mexico gently encouraging my passage, drawing me to my destination.  It was in these moments that the muscles of faith and trust I've been cultivating in the gym of Spirit got to be tested out in actual life circumstances.  It's usually fairly easy to feel a sense of connectedness, wholeness, trust, and faith sitting in some formal meditative practice.  But in the circumstances of life's unfolding, to let go of the fearful controller, lean into instinct and intuition, and carry onward... these are the places where the muscles of Awareness get honed and honored for the power they carry.
2. I am grateful for the continually deepening Trust in Love in my relationships when my ego tries to convince me that some "wrong" has been pointed in my direction.  I see myself more committed to the quiet truth of shared love, shared commitment to the relationship between myself and my relations, than the past pulls to right/wrong, good/bad, and seeking redress for imaginary trespasses.  This too, is continuing to evolve and deepen.  
3. I am grateful for the growing willingness to rest.  Learning to deeply relax and do nothing is an art I am cultivating.  Very distinct from laziness, procrastination, or checking-out, this is a practice that entered into consciously can recharge me in remarkably powerful and efficient ways.  The pull to busy-ness, the pull to incessant activity, physically or in thinking, is the ego's lack of trust and faith. The more trust and faith I have in myself and the Universe I am a part of, the easier it is to take these periods of doing no thing.  At the end of a hatha yoga practice, there is usually a pose called Shivasana.  It's a pose done lying flat on one's back, a time to integrate the work just completed, a time to enter the Self within.  It's known among adepts as the most difficult pose for humans to master...the art of doing nothing...no thought, no activity...resting in and as the Eternal Being.
4. I am grateful for my curiosity.  It is a way I am led into wider perspectives on all matters, out of the myopic viewpoints of a contracted sense of self.  As a kid my parents nicknamed me "Curious George".
5. I am grateful for this retreat property in New Mexico, to David Elliott for stewarding it, and to all the people, critters, and elements for supporting it.  This property is a living altar, it has been loved so deeply through countless hours of work and nurturing, and to all who come here in a good way, she showers and endless rain of blessings, rejuvenation, and remembrance.
6. I am grateful for laughter.  Especially the kind that just won't stop...that bursts out in waves long after the original joke has been forgotten...the kind that ripples back and forth between two people until your stomach muscles scream "Uncle!!!"
7. I am grateful for the way time expands and stretches out to accommodate everything that needs doing when I'm present and unattached to outcomes.  I mesmerized by it every time.
8. I am grateful for conscious community.  A gathering a people who can manage their own states more of the time than not, who can come together as a powerful collective...a powerful collective that can accomplish nearly anything.
9. I am grateful for the One Teacher revealing itSelf through all things.  May my hearing, my feeling, and my seeing always perceive You as You are...may I recognize and honor the teachings quickly in full Trust and Faith.
10. I am grateful for travel.  Traveling changes my routines and helps me become more adaptable and agile in all ways.

Do You Ever...

Do you ever wonder? Really wonder?

I don't remember a time when I didn't. This kind of curiosity has been the consistent nudge from the Universe that's kept me discovering over and over again new territory outside the confines of what I've already known. It's given me leverage to let go of the familiar and stay engaged with the adventure that is my life.

I remember driving with my Mom in the passenger seat on Sunset Boulevard one stunning sunny afternoon as she turned to me and said, "You're not really a rule-follower, are you?"

"No," I managed to get out through an explosion of laughter, "I'm not."

It's not that I disregard structure, guidelines, rules, and laws. I refuse to be defined by the seeming known. I've always sensed, as far back as I can remember, that there is more to life than what my five senses, the traditional education system, and the media have attempted to condition me with through my intellect.

This natural wonder, curiosity, and reaching through the Unknown...I can't imagine living any other way. Every time I start to get locked into a point of view these days, as my body contracts into position with it, something in me pokes me in the ribs and says, "Wake up...this isn't freedom...look again...let go of trying to control this."

This Joy...

With a Heart
Full of Grace
How can I
go wrong?

Where can I turn
and not feel Your
heat?

Drunk on your fragrance,
I stagger up and down the
stairs looking for that
one sacred flower
that will end
all delusion...

Oh that precious
and divine
savior,
budding only
on leap-year
or maybe it's
the last hour of
Solstice,
or could it be?
Could it be that
maybe it's just
those perfect hours
so early in the morning
when the world is still
free from the sometimes
happy buzz
of caffeinated contentment...
Oh yes!
Maybe it is those
sacred moments...

But where?
Where do I
find the formula
the special mantra
to unlock the gold
in these few coveted moments?

There must be
an incantation to
open the locks
on the wrought iron
doors to the Infinite...

Scurrying
Pining
Pushing
Pleading
Yearning...
Until the inevitable
forfeiture..
Giving in to the
seductive slumber of
anesthetized awareness.

"It's so simple,
with simplicity."

"The doorway to
My Heart
is nowhere
your eyes can look
your ears can hear
your tongue can savor
your mind can conceive."

"My Dear One,
as you giggle
and shake into
the most unholy
laughter,
sweating and
rolling on the floor
practically
and maybe actually
drooling on yourself
as the howling
hilariousness of
this game of
cat and mouse
comes crashing through your
Heart
and shows you My face
in the dust bunnies
under the couch."

"Will you let go now?
Or do I have to drag you
kicking and screaming
all the way to my
Joy, the only
home
you never left?"

Scott Patrick Schwenk 6/17/09