In the last several days, my past has been coming back to revisit me. As I sit here at my desk watching my breath, grounding deeper into the Earth, feeling the sensations in my body in this moment....the dots are connecting with more lucidity. I've been clearing a considerable amount of credit card debt this month, which for me represents places in my past where I used the short-cut of credit to get something in the moment that I didn't have the resources to purchase with cash. Bear with me here, as I'm choosing to look much deeper than the surface of things where credit and debt are considered normal and a regular part of life for so many. I'm choosing to look deeper than ever at my relationship with resources, and how the amount of flow of resources through my life is correlate to the depth of my trust and love in my Self.
A handful of people have been surfacing over the last few days with whom I'd had situations in the past at times when my sense of self was projected so much more onto how the world thought of me...or at least how I felt the world thought of me. In each of these cases, I made decisions out of suppressed insecurity in the moment. In a couple of cases, they were decisions to engage in purchases or deals where my part of the exchange would be handled "later". Basically, on credit. In both cases, my ego seduced me into believing that the service or product was urgently needed, and would dramatically improve the quality of my life. And in both cases, in retrospect, I would've been fine without said "improvements" or waiting until I had the funds.
In these cases, the psychic energy coming to me has felt draining and more than a little aggressive. It's definitely getting my attention and cause for me to slow down, pay attention, and humbly ask my intuition to teach me...to bring me clarity so that I can recoup my energy, release the investments that left me open to these "feeding energies", and return to expansion and Love here and now.
Engaging in these deals without the funds combined with the strong "expectations" that these deals were going to somehow quickly save me from something, set me up to have my personal energy supply be wide open for feeding. The antidote? Self-Love. My real-time, in-the-moment practice of connecting with self-love has become deep, strong, and continues to grow. However, because I'm dealing with situations from the past, my practice has to be strong enough to be in the moment and fill the void of insecurity lurking from the past. It requires extra vigilance, extra clarity, extra neutrality, and extra self-love.
This is all coming to light as I'm preparing myself for David Elliott's next Global Healing Group on October 10th focusing on Psychic Boundaries. As he mentions in the invitation letter, really consciously dealing with Psychic Boundaries is the steepest gradient. It's steep because it's not obvious to most of us, most of the time. We've been so easily distracted by the surface of life, and by the idea that happiness is something to be gotten in transactions with the outer world and the people in it, rather than an innate quality of the Self revealed through abiding self-love.
So I've been more focused than ever these last couple of days in noticing the thoughts crossing my mind...noticing which people come to mind, how often, and what happens to my energy when thoughts of them arise. If my energy expands with a thought, I know it's probably based in Love. If my energy sinks or dissipates, I know the exchange is off, and that I must go deeper into self-love as I'm setting these psychic boundaries.
As I've been paying off debt again, I'm noticing a lot more frequency in the last two days of thoughts of people that come with a drop in my energy. This morning, the clarity from my intuition is strong. It's showing me that I'm revisiting places in my consciousness, places that in the past I've pulled away from out of insecurity...I'm being given fresh opportunities in these areas to stay present, deepen my breath, connect with the feeling self-love, and remain neutral...even when, and especially when I'm uncomfortable or feeling triggered toward negative emotion. As I choose love through the discomfort, I'm building stronger muscles for freedom. As I choose love, I see more clearly that it's only the ego that is uncomfortable. Love is my True Nature, and Love itself is content in itself. I'm re-orienting more of my attention to the Truth of who and what I am.
For now it's a process. I choose to make deeper peace with the process. I choose Peace. I'm demonstrating these choices to myself in the moment by consciously breathing into the old empty crevices with self-love, self-trust, self-appreciation, and recognition in the moment of who and what I am.
It turns out that Self-Love is the ultimate short-cut. The ego will likely always think otherwise. And in the words of Adyashanti, "Ego is always pretending to be the most important thing going on."
LOVE,
Scott
Showing posts with label boundaries. Show all posts
Showing posts with label boundaries. Show all posts
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Deeper Freedom and Clear Boundaries ~ Full Moon ECSTATIC BREATHWORK This Sun 7/25 @Liberation Yoga
This Sunday, July 25th ~ 4:30pm-6pm ~ Liberation Yoga (Hancock Park/Weho)
Full Moon ~ Deeper Freedom and Clear Boundaries
The Moon will be reaching it’s peak of Fullness as we’re in the midst of ECSTATIC BREATHWORK this Sunday. It’s a powerful time to wipe the slate clean from anything and everything that’s been sitting on your shoulders over the last month or longer. And it’s a great time to have a fresh look at boundaries. What are they? Are they necessary? Can they give you more SPACE to focus on your purpose? Can they give you more room to Breathe Freely and Expand into all that you Are?
DATE: Sunday, July 25th, 2010The Moon will be reaching it’s peak of Fullness as we’re in the midst of ECSTATIC BREATHWORK this Sunday. It’s a powerful time to wipe the slate clean from anything and everything that’s been sitting on your shoulders over the last month or longer. And it’s a great time to have a fresh look at boundaries. What are they? Are they necessary? Can they give you more SPACE to focus on your purpose? Can they give you more room to Breathe Freely and Expand into all that you Are?
Time: 4:30pm - 6pm (come early to avoid being late)
Exchange: $40
Bring: Yoga mat and/or blanket-we'll be sitting on the floor at first then lying down
for the breathwork.
Location: Liberation Yoga
124 S. La Brea (btw 1st and 2nd)
Los Angeles, CA 90036
RSVP: You can reserve your spot through Liberation Yoga (323) 964-5222.
These ECSTATIC BREATHWORKSHOPS are nothing less than a journey deeper into the experience and expression of who and what you are, a journey into the Heart of Freedom within. Through a simple and powerful breathing meditation, you gain and deepen the tools for seeing past your former limitations, gain muscle for being your own best ally, teacher, and healer, and deeply taste a place free of insecurity, full of self-love.
LOVE,
SCOTT
http://trustthebreath.com
http://scottschwenk.blogspot.com
http://huffingtonpost.com/scott-schwenk
Friday, July 3, 2009
Boundaries and Insecurity Part 2
Now I'm going to move into the more personal as a way of sharing what I'm learning about these powerful areas, navigating the way to abiding love.
In the last couple of weeks, the clarity has been getting much sharper around my own relationship to insecurity in my lifetime, and perhaps many lifetimes. I don't mean to sound arrogant here, but I know that the work that has come through me is powerful and has helped many people to discover more about themselves, what they seek, and move towards awakening to their potential. This awareness has been with me since I was a child, though back then it would get me into a lot of trouble. I had no idea that I was working with fire, and that fire needs a strong container and a lot of respect in order not to burn me, the surroundings, or other people along the way.
Let me clarify -- it wasn't and isn't the power of intuition or Spirit or Healing that got or gets me into stuck places...it's nearly always some form of insecurity. And the further I walk the trail of healing and teaching, the more Awareness is cultivated, the stronger the force that hits against any illusions I'm still carrying, no matter the size.
Insecurity is one of the biggest illusions of all. It, at one time or another had me convinced I was unattractive, insignificant, not good enough, not strong enough, and just not lovable by anyone from whom I was wanting love and not seeming to get it.
Have you ever been out and about and noticed someone you found really really attractive, smiled in his or her direction, and got nothing in return? How'd that make you feel? Did you spend the rest of your time at that gym, restaurant, store, bar, club, or wherever working to make yourself appear more attractive to get the recognition you were craving. I have done that. And in recent times, have caught that reflex in-action. I have been working to connect the dots and notice how my insecurity can be triggered by outside events, and what choices I have made when I'm under its influence. Kind of like D.U.I, but more like L.U.I.I. (Living Under the Influence of Insecurity). Maybe we'll have programs around that one day! Maybe even "traffic tickets" for operating under the influence of insecurity! I'm being a bit funny here (even if only to myself), but maybe that kind of reinforcement would help us all wake up more quickly to how we live, think, and feel...and to begin to make new choices to see, hear, and feel the Truth, rather than what the voice or feeling of insecurity is trying to convince you and I.
In my adult life, one of the areas I've been most influenced by insecurity has been through the way my ego percieves my value. It has gotten this through how much money is in my bank account, what kind of people have been interested in me (or not) romantically, and what people say, think, and feel about me as a person. I'm sure I'm the only one here, right? Ha ha!
In the last couple of weeks, this study of mine has honed in on the area of my work as a healer and teacher. While I was up in San Francisco recently with the healing work, I was scheduled to teach my mentor David Elliott's Level 1 Healer Training Class. The registration for the class stayed steady at 3 participants, no matter what (the first and second classes had over 30 participants). I knew I couldn't afford to spiral into any ideas about there being something wrong, as that might close down the energy of the work entirely. I'd come too far to walk back down that old road. Though I did glance at it a few times! I decided to look at this particular class as holding some powerful teachings for me, and stayed engaged in asking what those teachings might be. And while trying to remain open, without preconceived notions.
I wanted to fill the class, and was reaching inside myself for the familiar energy I would use to do that...a combination of passion, enthusiasm, and something else. Well, the passion was there. The enthusiasm was there. But something was missing. What was it? And as I tried to reach for this "mystery substance", I felt my body contract, my throat close, and a very uncomfortable feeling move through my nervous system.
A wake up call.
What was this? What was going on? And if I couldn't use whatever it was, how would I fill the class?
What revealed and continues to reveal around this is extremely potent for me in my development as a healer, a teacher, and as a human man with a heart. What I've been seeing is that throughout my life, I've had a knack for motivating people and getting them to do or try things I believe in. What I hadn't seen was that there has been a strand of energy in the midst of my best intentions that would color people's experience of me and what could be delivered through the Work. And if you've ever cooked with the spice Saffron, you know that one tiny strand of it can color and flavor a huge stockpot of soup.
In my motivation of people to take a certain class, whether with me or someone else, there have been many times when this "strand" was present. This strand has a very masculine and somewhat forceful energy to it. So even when my heart has been wide open and energy flowing, when this strand was present, it would color the experience, and leave me wondering why this person or that person stopped showing up, or disappeared on the heals of having what they described as a profound, life-altering opening.
And there's plenty of training and development for this "strand" out in the world. Whole bodies of courses and coaching programs that have this feeling running silently in the background.
Let me back-track a bit. I have carried financial debt since I entered college and took on student loans. Several of the loans were absolutely necessary to get me through school. The later student loans were so I could have a nicer lifestyle while doing it. This is where the insecurity comes in. You see, growing up, I didn't really fit in. Though I didn't realize that it was my insecurity that was keeping me from fitting in. Not my looks, not my clothes, not where I lived, insecurity. This insecurity would drive me to say and do things that had an abrassive edge to them, and the abrassive edge would push people away.
However, I couldn't see it. The ads I saw growing up told me that if I wore different clothes, owned cooler music, went to the right restaurants, that I would be seen as good enough, and wanted. It was all "outside" of me. That's the illusion that kept me on the hamster wheel all these years.
The insecurity pushed me to do all sorts of things in the name of self-improvement, and most of it on credit! Now, I'm not saying that credit is bad. Just like that old saying about guns. Guns don't kill people, people kill people. Credit isn't bad, I just don't think most of us were educated about what it is, how it really works, and in cultivating awareness around how and when to use it (rather than being used by our own insecurity through credit). It's interesting to me that credit cards are considered "non-secure credit".
What I felt when using the credit was stored or suppressed for later. Well, later is now. And I am here now to connect the dots, rectify the past, and share what I'm learning along the way so we can all move beyond insecurity to what we're really here for and THRIVE.
So coming back to that "strand" in the midst of my efforts. That debt that I carry was loaded with all the insecurity I felt throughout my life around my worth and my value as a man and as person. So if that strand was activated in my experience when I was encouraging someone around doing the work, because it was woven with insecurity, it would look for and connect with any insecurity in you and unbeknownst to me at the time,it would have some leverage to get someone to take action. Amidst the best conscious intentions for the highest good, was the subtle energy of manipulation trying to pull at the good that was trying to be created and elevated through the work.
This has not been an easy thing to see and digest. I have to walk very consciously and tenderly through this territory, cultivating even deeper self-love and neutrality. I have to notice how insecurity would rather that I not share and expose this side of my humanity, that it would rather encourage me to sink in silence.
I've gone too far down the road to be interested in either sinking or silence. And the more I step into the work, the clearer it becomes that it's much bigger than me.
It has been my practice to send out emails and make followup calls to people on my lists that I have worked with around the country before heading out to their city with the Work. Some appreciate the calls as they get innundated with emails and wouldn't otherwise know I was coming. Others were able to feel this strand in the background, and probably some didn't even know what they were feeling...just felt something uncomfortable....something they couldn't quite name, that didn't match up to their great experiences around the work, but which felt nonetheless.....off.
What I have learned in relationship to David Elliott and this work is that my job around my humanity and seeing through my shadow is to know in my heart, deeply, that I am 100% good and loving...to keep putting attention on this knowing and let it melt away the vestiges of the illusion of insecurity.
A few weeks ago 40 of us gathered with David in the high desert of Joshua Tree deep into Joshua Tree State Park for a simple and powerful ceremony around a fire. Prior to the ceremony, he sat in the early morning hours and opened his intuition through hearing, and was given statements for each of us to make and have witnessed by the elements, the group, the desert, Spirit, Reality....here is the one I was given:
"Do you know how much I care about you, and you, and you -- and this work. I am beginning to figure out how little this experience is about my ego, my needs, how smart I appear, how many answers I have, how enlightened I am. I'm a seed, I'm germinating, sprouting, and growing now. I am beautiful!"
For any of you over the years and lifetimes who have ever in any way felt manipulated, cajoled, pushed out of my insecurity through any insecurity you may carry, I deeply, humbly offer you my apologies. I have only ever had the best intentions in my heart. I call that energy back to me, and to the light of Truth for it to be fully healed. My conscious intentions were only ever for your highest good. Now that these unconscious intentions are being seen, I take responsibility for them as well.
May you be completely free from any and all forms of suffering and the causes of suffering. May you have happiness and the causes of happiness. May you know you are 100% good, 100% loveable, 100% LOVE!
Thank you Spirit, thank you David, thank you Mom and Dad, thank you to all my friends past and present, thank you to all of my clients who continue to be teachers to me, bringing in areas that I get to work with more deeply in myself...and I thank myself, for not giving up, for reaching through the pain and illusions of the past to Trust and Faith and Love.
The journey continues...I'll share more as it unfolds...
Love,
Scott
In the last couple of weeks, the clarity has been getting much sharper around my own relationship to insecurity in my lifetime, and perhaps many lifetimes. I don't mean to sound arrogant here, but I know that the work that has come through me is powerful and has helped many people to discover more about themselves, what they seek, and move towards awakening to their potential. This awareness has been with me since I was a child, though back then it would get me into a lot of trouble. I had no idea that I was working with fire, and that fire needs a strong container and a lot of respect in order not to burn me, the surroundings, or other people along the way.
Let me clarify -- it wasn't and isn't the power of intuition or Spirit or Healing that got or gets me into stuck places...it's nearly always some form of insecurity. And the further I walk the trail of healing and teaching, the more Awareness is cultivated, the stronger the force that hits against any illusions I'm still carrying, no matter the size.
Insecurity is one of the biggest illusions of all. It, at one time or another had me convinced I was unattractive, insignificant, not good enough, not strong enough, and just not lovable by anyone from whom I was wanting love and not seeming to get it.
Have you ever been out and about and noticed someone you found really really attractive, smiled in his or her direction, and got nothing in return? How'd that make you feel? Did you spend the rest of your time at that gym, restaurant, store, bar, club, or wherever working to make yourself appear more attractive to get the recognition you were craving. I have done that. And in recent times, have caught that reflex in-action. I have been working to connect the dots and notice how my insecurity can be triggered by outside events, and what choices I have made when I'm under its influence. Kind of like D.U.I, but more like L.U.I.I. (Living Under the Influence of Insecurity). Maybe we'll have programs around that one day! Maybe even "traffic tickets" for operating under the influence of insecurity! I'm being a bit funny here (even if only to myself), but maybe that kind of reinforcement would help us all wake up more quickly to how we live, think, and feel...and to begin to make new choices to see, hear, and feel the Truth, rather than what the voice or feeling of insecurity is trying to convince you and I.
In my adult life, one of the areas I've been most influenced by insecurity has been through the way my ego percieves my value. It has gotten this through how much money is in my bank account, what kind of people have been interested in me (or not) romantically, and what people say, think, and feel about me as a person. I'm sure I'm the only one here, right? Ha ha!
In the last couple of weeks, this study of mine has honed in on the area of my work as a healer and teacher. While I was up in San Francisco recently with the healing work, I was scheduled to teach my mentor David Elliott's Level 1 Healer Training Class. The registration for the class stayed steady at 3 participants, no matter what (the first and second classes had over 30 participants). I knew I couldn't afford to spiral into any ideas about there being something wrong, as that might close down the energy of the work entirely. I'd come too far to walk back down that old road. Though I did glance at it a few times! I decided to look at this particular class as holding some powerful teachings for me, and stayed engaged in asking what those teachings might be. And while trying to remain open, without preconceived notions.
I wanted to fill the class, and was reaching inside myself for the familiar energy I would use to do that...a combination of passion, enthusiasm, and something else. Well, the passion was there. The enthusiasm was there. But something was missing. What was it? And as I tried to reach for this "mystery substance", I felt my body contract, my throat close, and a very uncomfortable feeling move through my nervous system.
A wake up call.
What was this? What was going on? And if I couldn't use whatever it was, how would I fill the class?
What revealed and continues to reveal around this is extremely potent for me in my development as a healer, a teacher, and as a human man with a heart. What I've been seeing is that throughout my life, I've had a knack for motivating people and getting them to do or try things I believe in. What I hadn't seen was that there has been a strand of energy in the midst of my best intentions that would color people's experience of me and what could be delivered through the Work. And if you've ever cooked with the spice Saffron, you know that one tiny strand of it can color and flavor a huge stockpot of soup.
In my motivation of people to take a certain class, whether with me or someone else, there have been many times when this "strand" was present. This strand has a very masculine and somewhat forceful energy to it. So even when my heart has been wide open and energy flowing, when this strand was present, it would color the experience, and leave me wondering why this person or that person stopped showing up, or disappeared on the heals of having what they described as a profound, life-altering opening.
And there's plenty of training and development for this "strand" out in the world. Whole bodies of courses and coaching programs that have this feeling running silently in the background.
Let me back-track a bit. I have carried financial debt since I entered college and took on student loans. Several of the loans were absolutely necessary to get me through school. The later student loans were so I could have a nicer lifestyle while doing it. This is where the insecurity comes in. You see, growing up, I didn't really fit in. Though I didn't realize that it was my insecurity that was keeping me from fitting in. Not my looks, not my clothes, not where I lived, insecurity. This insecurity would drive me to say and do things that had an abrassive edge to them, and the abrassive edge would push people away.
However, I couldn't see it. The ads I saw growing up told me that if I wore different clothes, owned cooler music, went to the right restaurants, that I would be seen as good enough, and wanted. It was all "outside" of me. That's the illusion that kept me on the hamster wheel all these years.
The insecurity pushed me to do all sorts of things in the name of self-improvement, and most of it on credit! Now, I'm not saying that credit is bad. Just like that old saying about guns. Guns don't kill people, people kill people. Credit isn't bad, I just don't think most of us were educated about what it is, how it really works, and in cultivating awareness around how and when to use it (rather than being used by our own insecurity through credit). It's interesting to me that credit cards are considered "non-secure credit".
What I felt when using the credit was stored or suppressed for later. Well, later is now. And I am here now to connect the dots, rectify the past, and share what I'm learning along the way so we can all move beyond insecurity to what we're really here for and THRIVE.
So coming back to that "strand" in the midst of my efforts. That debt that I carry was loaded with all the insecurity I felt throughout my life around my worth and my value as a man and as person. So if that strand was activated in my experience when I was encouraging someone around doing the work, because it was woven with insecurity, it would look for and connect with any insecurity in you and unbeknownst to me at the time,it would have some leverage to get someone to take action. Amidst the best conscious intentions for the highest good, was the subtle energy of manipulation trying to pull at the good that was trying to be created and elevated through the work.
This has not been an easy thing to see and digest. I have to walk very consciously and tenderly through this territory, cultivating even deeper self-love and neutrality. I have to notice how insecurity would rather that I not share and expose this side of my humanity, that it would rather encourage me to sink in silence.
I've gone too far down the road to be interested in either sinking or silence. And the more I step into the work, the clearer it becomes that it's much bigger than me.
It has been my practice to send out emails and make followup calls to people on my lists that I have worked with around the country before heading out to their city with the Work. Some appreciate the calls as they get innundated with emails and wouldn't otherwise know I was coming. Others were able to feel this strand in the background, and probably some didn't even know what they were feeling...just felt something uncomfortable....something they couldn't quite name, that didn't match up to their great experiences around the work, but which felt nonetheless.....off.
What I have learned in relationship to David Elliott and this work is that my job around my humanity and seeing through my shadow is to know in my heart, deeply, that I am 100% good and loving...to keep putting attention on this knowing and let it melt away the vestiges of the illusion of insecurity.
A few weeks ago 40 of us gathered with David in the high desert of Joshua Tree deep into Joshua Tree State Park for a simple and powerful ceremony around a fire. Prior to the ceremony, he sat in the early morning hours and opened his intuition through hearing, and was given statements for each of us to make and have witnessed by the elements, the group, the desert, Spirit, Reality....here is the one I was given:
"Do you know how much I care about you, and you, and you -- and this work. I am beginning to figure out how little this experience is about my ego, my needs, how smart I appear, how many answers I have, how enlightened I am. I'm a seed, I'm germinating, sprouting, and growing now. I am beautiful!"
For any of you over the years and lifetimes who have ever in any way felt manipulated, cajoled, pushed out of my insecurity through any insecurity you may carry, I deeply, humbly offer you my apologies. I have only ever had the best intentions in my heart. I call that energy back to me, and to the light of Truth for it to be fully healed. My conscious intentions were only ever for your highest good. Now that these unconscious intentions are being seen, I take responsibility for them as well.
May you be completely free from any and all forms of suffering and the causes of suffering. May you have happiness and the causes of happiness. May you know you are 100% good, 100% loveable, 100% LOVE!
Thank you Spirit, thank you David, thank you Mom and Dad, thank you to all my friends past and present, thank you to all of my clients who continue to be teachers to me, bringing in areas that I get to work with more deeply in myself...and I thank myself, for not giving up, for reaching through the pain and illusions of the past to Trust and Faith and Love.
The journey continues...I'll share more as it unfolds...
Love,
Scott
Monday, June 22, 2009
Boundaries and Insecurity
I’m fresh from the the high desert (Joshua Tree) where 40 of us plunged deeper into the Work through the Level 4 Healer Training Class with my mentor and friend David Elliott. It was my 3rd time participating in this class, and what an enormous gift to my life! Every time I repeat one of the trainings, my Awareness around the work and mySelf takes a quantum leap deeper. Two of the main areas I’ve been honing in on and studying closely are Boundaries and Insecurity and just how crucial awareness around them is to Freedom and Self Love, and ultimately everything in life. Boundaries and Insecurity are deeply related....wherever you and I are insecure, our boundaries are likely to be shaky at best. Wherever we’re insecure, we leak our personal energy, our life-force. And in it’s infinite sense of humor, the Universe will keep bringing in people and situations to challenge these boundaries and insecurities to help shine the Light of Awareness on them so that we can have CHOICE. With Choice comes Freedom!
I will be focusing deeply into these two areas in all of the Work this week in San Francisco, and making sure to find the humor, share it, and have a lot of Fun along the way! I figure that the lessons are going to come in, and I might as well have fun along the way!
I will be focusing deeply into these two areas in all of the Work this week in San Francisco, and making sure to find the humor, share it, and have a lot of Fun along the way! I figure that the lessons are going to come in, and I might as well have fun along the way!
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