30 Days + of Gratitude ~ Day 25/26

1. I am grateful for the New Year's Eve Full Moon...and all the ways the Moon continues to teach me about mirrors...to see everything as able to reflect where I am at within myself.
2. I am grateful for the positive flow of energy that moves through creative expression...it's one of the best uses for the immense energy that gathers and collects, putting it to good use.  When I do not, I draw in situations that are not fun to engage with, tipped off by anger, fear, or sadness.  All energies worked with consciously can be fuel for creation.
3. I am grateful for all the people in my world mirroring infinite varieties of my own expressions.
4. I am grateful for all those who have come before me, lighting the way.
5. I am grateful for all those who have come before me and have felt stuck.  You are palpably cheerleading my walk.  I feel you.  I am grateful for the support.
6. I am grateful for the energy of Fire.  You are one of my closest teachers.  You continue to show me how to work with You in creative ways for expansion and upliftment.  You teach me about the power of respect and consciously approaching in humility.
7. I am grateful for the energy of Water.  You teach me how to be fluid, flexible, and trusting conduit.  You show me the strength in softness.
8. I am grateful for the energy of Air.  You teach me about clarity, effective movement, and release.  You show me ways of communicating that are full of power and free of aggression.
9. I am grateful for the energy of Earth.  You teach me about rooting deeply to expand into greater freedom.  You hold all of the elements in your balancing womb.  When I approach you with love in my heart, you show me that I can garden any seeds into bountiful harvest.
10. I am grateful to the muscles and connective tissues of my body.  You continue to grow and adapt to the needs of my spirit, and have put up gracefully with the demands of my ego.  I will nourish you more in the coming minutes, hours, days, months, and years ahead.  

So Now What?

I'm in yet another of those in-between spaces within myself. And it feels like those signs at the amusement park that say, 'You must be this high to ride the ride,' and my eyes are still trying to tell me that I'm not quite tall enough.

I get daily affirmations of the Truth coming in so many ways, the Truth of what I am, the Truth of what Love is, and how everything is connected through Love...when I'm paying attention, that is. And yet I still notice the places where my ego wants to convince me that there's something over there, around the bend, that'll make me happier...just a little more 'this', or a little less 'that'.

So far in nearly 38 years in this human suit, I've noticed a few things...for starters, I've noticed that money comes and goes, people come and go, stuff comes and goes, some meals are five stars and some are just plain gross, some nights go down in infamy while others seem better forgotten...and through it all, what I essentially am goes on being what it is, seemingly unchanged by all the outer stuff that comes and goes. So why keep pursuing the outer stuff? It seems more and more true for me that the only happiness is that happiness that arises within of its own accord, and that everything else is just temporary. Oh, and don't think for a second that I don't like and fully lick the bowl of some nice temporary happiness, like the frozen yogurt last night. That bowl of yogurt was so tasty, so satisfying, and yet on the walk home, there it was again...that internal itch that I just wasn't able to scratch until I sat down, got quiet and let my attention move within....move within free of needs and expectations.

So aside from all the intense working out I've been doing with my physical body, this is the inner workout I'm putting time into. I'm endeavoring to build and strengthen these inner muscles of my own Awareness to choose happiness from within and then enjoy the outer world for whatever it is in the moment.

Some days it's super easy, and those are the days when I feel the love flowing strong and deep. On other days, it can feel like it just downright sucks. Those are the days, the seemingly sucky ones, where I'm getting clearer and clearer (from collected experiences) when I'm really taking my awareness to the spiritual gym and building some lasting muscles for choice.

Hmmm....maybe that's a bit heavy for today. Hope not too heavy :)

I decided to write no matter what today...to keep building discipline with my writing, as when I write more regularly, things seem to move into a stronger and easier flow in my life.