How Can I Ever...

How Can I Ever....

How can I ever look
You in the eyes
Again?

How can I ever eat
Your bread
and drink Your wine again?

I will fight
I will strive
I will struggle
I will prove
I will know
I will do it
On.......my...... own.

All

Alone.

Aeons rolled by
over pot-holed
and sketchy roads
trafficked by
all the hungry ghosts.
I met them one-by-one
and all by name.
All with a look of disdain.

Until

Just one breath
Just One breath
and an ever-so-slight
but just enough
clearing in the fog
and I could see your face again.

Your face straining against
those enormous
nearly petrified
pieces of wood
so neatly fitted
together
pressing in against
your beautiful face
your beautiful unwavering
face.

So close I could smell the
salt pouring from your
veins, putting one foot in front of the other
as you always did;
no difference between pulling
the weeds in the garden of my mind
and dragging
dragging
dragging
this weight,
this weight I still stagger with
up the hill to Golgotha.

Quadriceps quivering
at the vision
of Your focus and
Vision;
Seeing Him everywhere
While the body
Rides the edge of breaking
Under the weight of
My illusions.
Oh yes ~
I had to believe
to prop up the belief that
it were all about
me.
How else could I
turn away from You?

Impugnation Agnitae Veritatis
Turning
Turning
Churning
Clenching
Armoring
until the Heart
cannot be felt
let alone
Seen.

Until that
breath....
Haaahhhhhhhh....
InSpirito Sancto

How many forms
of deliverance have
I turned away from?
How many lives
burned through
like forgotten
forests
men must raze
for cattle
to starve and
wander across?
How many faces have
smiled upon me with
Your Grace?

Haaaaahhhhhhhh......

I am ready
To TRUST.
One Reality
One Face
One Heart
One Purpose
Serve ~ Love

Nothing has been lost
but the eyes that
only saw
fog.

Nothing has been found but
That which has been here
All along.

You are the
Life
Light
Truth.

Aham Brahmasmi
I Am That.

Turning ever towards,
I am Yours.


Scott Patrick Schwenk 4/29/09