Turning Poison Into Nectar

"That by which we fall is that by which we rise."
~ Kularnava Tantra

In times of increased energy; during a Full Moon or Eclipse, at the height of great emotion, on the heels of a powerful spiritual experience or awakening, when something we believe to be greater than we thought to be possible happens...in these times, not only the light in us, but also any illusions we're carrying (known or unknown) are also magnified. And when illusions are magnified, it can feel painful, even like everything we know is falling apart. What is true North during these moments? How do we meet them productively without giving in to the ego's convincing chatter that something has gone horribly wrong and is only going to get worse?

How can we turn these experiences from poison to nectar? What can we look to for real, palpable support?

Don't get mad...'cause I'm going to say the 'd' word again. Discipline. The tendencies for the mind to look on the dark side are a form of discipline, habit turned to conditioning. Pavlov's dog; ring the bell, and the dog salivates after many times of ringing a bell and then giving the dog food, the dog then associates bell-ringing with impending food delivery.

So we've got these two forms of discipline or conditioning...the ones that have disciplined the mind to be invested in illusions and create suffering of any degree, and the ones that avail the mind to Truth.

When Socrates says "Know Thyself", he's not offering it out for the heck of it. How well do you really know yourself? How clear are you about the bells that consistently get you to salivate, even when there's no food in sight? Are you ready to unhook from the puppet-strings that make you act, think, and feel in ways that are wholly unproductive to your Freedom, to living fully in the present moment, and able to choose, really choose the best option for all concerned in the moment, rather than being led around by your conditioning.

For years, my sexual energy led me around like a dog on a chain. Something would trigger this sexual energy, and I would go on the hunt to act it out. Sometimes immediately, sometimes working out a plan. And I was never satisfied by the experience when it was arising in this way. Physical intimacy is only satisfying for me when my Heart is open and I don't need it. When I'm sharing it from a place of contentment.

Sure, I've been able to have a truck-load of peak-experiences, but most of them were merely spikes of adrenaline, and once over, left me feeling empty, unfulfilled, and like I still had a tremendous itch that not only could I not scratch, but didn't even know what the itch was.

It's Love. Self-Love. Self-Love which opens me to Universal Love.

When I'm connected to Self-Love, everything is fulfilling, because I'm already fulfilled. So anything I engage with becomes an expression of my fulfillment, rather than a futile attempt to get some person, experience, or place outside of me to lift me up, to complete me, which by definition, it cannot.

I have had to develop the discipline to Love myself. No Guru, holy book, sacred vortex, or special diet can do this for me. And when I'm connected to Self-Love, I can feel and be further uplifted by the Truth through various scriptures, amazing meals with friends, long silent meanderings through nature, the hummingbirds outside my window, or anything else that shows up in exchange.

This past Saturday night, I went to a puja, an ancient Indian ritual with powerful chants honoring and invoking the Truth that is already here through direct experience. On the drive over to Maha Yoga in Brentwood for the puja, I focused on feeling the breath moving through my body, the sensations of it, and all the ways I Love myself. This was my preparation. And I continued it throughout the puja.

Over and over again during the puja, I was amazed at the intense, expansive currents of palpable energy I felt moving in wave after blissful wave through my body and my Heart. These currents were emanating from within my Heart in response to the chants. And having been at this spiritual path business for a couple of decades, I've been to a number of chants and other rituals. And always from a place of looking to the ritual to give me something, something I wasn't finding within.

It's this ridiculously funny irony (at least to me)...until I find what I'm looking for on the inside, I'll never find it on the outside.

How does that apply to turning poison into nectar?

When I'm connected to Self-Love, I don't see or experience anything as poison. I experience it as no different from anything else. Another moment in time with choices to make, or not. And actions to take or not, knowing that what I am doesn't change either way....what I Truly am. From this perspective, I can meet any circumstance with what it needs.

Do I always do this? No.

Am I developing my capacity to live this way all the time? Yes. That's discipline.

So the places where I feel like I'm falling are the places where I'm being shown my next exercise to develop Self-Love in the Universal Gym.

Absolute Monarchy

"You must have Absolute Monarchy over your inner world," someone said to me recently.

When the King doesn't know he's the King, doesn't sit powerfully in the seat, the role, of the King, he won't be King for long. You and I are have been wandering through this life, mostly deluded into believing something is missing, wrong, not quite ready, almost there...about ourselves! And the Truth of the matter is we are Whole, Perfect, Complete...what in Sanskrit is referred to as Purna.

There is a beautiful prayer/mantra in the Upanishads that is said to encapusulate the whole of the Upanishads. (The Upanishads have exerted an important influence on the rest of Hindu philosophy and were collectively considered one of the 100 Most Influential Books Ever Written by the British poet Martin Seymour-Smith (Wikipedia, 11/09).) In this prayer it is said,

Om. That is Perfect. This is Perfect. From the
Perfect springs the Perfect. If the perfect is
taken from the Perfect, the Perfect remains.

Like that little boy in "The Matrix" in the scene just before Neo goes in to meet with the Oracle hoping to find out he is. This monk-ish little boy, wrapped in white, playing at bending spoons with just the power of his Awareness, tells Neo, "It is not the spoon that bends, it is your mind that bends" (giving the 'appearance' that the spoon has bent).

The ancient philosophy of Vedanta encourages us to see Truly. And that to cultivate the ability to see Reality as It is, we need the support of discrimination; the ability to know the difference between fantasy and Reality, between projection/illusion and things as they really are. If you're walking down a dirt road in the middle of the night in Costa Rica, and up ahead you see something long, thick, and curvy laying across the middle of the road, it may be a snake...or a rope. Whichever you believe it is in the moment will determine whether your heart nearly thumps out of your ribcage believing it to be a dangerous snake, or you go on enjoying a peaceful walk as you step over the rope.

How many situations have I walked through in my life, attempting to rearrange the situation rather than my own point of view? The Buddhists call this act rearranging the furniture in a burning house. And another teacher laughs when he calls this way of walking through life, rearranging the deck-chairs on the Titanic.

Swami Muktananda of Ganeshpuri would say often, "The world is as you see it. If you don't like the world you see, change the prescription of your glasses."

We live in a time when so many of the greatest and most potent of teachings once passed from teacher to student in secret after many years of preparation are now out strewn out in books and youtube videos for anyone to find. How will we recognize these Diamond-sharp tools? Will we, and do we, mistake them for blunt, useless instruments?

I can have the best vegetable seeds on the market, harvested from plants grown with great attention and love in idyllic conditions on the most Organic farm known to man (I'm salivating...ha ha ha!). I can plant those seeds in my roof garden today. But if the soil hasn't been nurtured, and if I don't water and care for those seeds consistently over time, it won't matter how amazing the promise of great plants might be, nothing is going to grow in those conditions.

I came across some of the most potent teachings of my life over twenty years ago, but didn't recognize them. I was too busy hunting for anything that would give me a big peak experience. In my book it was all about gathering enough of these peak experiences, out-of-body moments, and overwhelming energy encounters, and amassing a lot of them. Then if I could string them all together, I could live in one big extended peak experience for life. So tell me, how is that any different that any other kind of addict? Seeking a peak experience from a bottle, a pill, a whatever? The only difference being that my addiction was legal and encouraged widely in the spiritual marketplace.

After years of this cat and mouse game with myself, I'm now (mostly) at the place where I know that biggest focus of my path is inside of me, if not the only useful focus. What am I believing? Can I know it's the Truth for certain? What happens when I believe "x"? What's here when I let go of all beliefs and sit quietly in gratitude and appreciation of this Moment exactly as it is, without a story or narration going in the background...just this moment, this inhalation, exactly as it is...not a good inhalation, not a bad inhalation, just the breath circulating.

And in this moment of just simple awareness of my own breath, I am present. When I am present, this Presence burns off the image of dark threatening clouds, revealing the Sun always steadily shining within.

Do I really need one more book? One more lecture? One more technique? Or do I have everything I need right Here? Am I willing to cultivate this garden over time, protecting the little Oak Tree shoots until they're strong and tall with deep roots, and broad leaves that give shade to anyone who's ready to rest in the Oasis of Reality?

I Am.