Inviting Abundance

I just had an epiphany in the bathroom.  Why so many of my 'a ha' moments happen there is still a mystery told only to the toothbrush by the razor in the dark of night while my breath is subtle in the warmth of my bed.  Nonetheless, a lightning bolt around abundance.

I've heard over the years that to have more flow, you must put more in flow.  I'm speaking primarily of money at the moment, and generally about any form of Grace that reveals through objects, food, needs met, money, love, and so much more.

All of these manifestations are made of the same stuff as Consciousness.  In this great big bank account of the Universe, it's loud and clear this morning that the branch manager doesn't see any difference between love, money, or CREATIVITY.  Output is output.  Giving is giving.  Expressing is expressing, and expressing is giving and output, and these are means of being in fluid exchange with the Universe.

There's a particular outlay of cash coming up that I've been secretly worried about.  There, I said it, worried.  Yes, I can be a closet worrier.  This probably comes as no great shock to anyone who knows me well.  They're just kind enough not to bring it up in conversation too often.  I'm laughing out loud here as I write this.  The chuckling is the irony that my ego would really earnestly try convincing me that I'm the only closet-worrier, when I know for a fact that this plague is flung far into the four directions of the globe.  It's a human thing.  It's a control thing.  Or rather a fear of no-control thing where the threat seems real, the threat of great loss in the face of no control.  Outcome?  Worrying.  Needless, pointless, fruitless frittering, twittering, and worrying.

Creative output in any and every form is a giving.  This is recognized by the Universe as a part of circulation; participating in flow.  And it responds in kind by sending flow back around to the giver.  This flow can come in any number of ways, and noticing and acknowledging the return is as valuable to being in flow as the initial giving.  As I write this, I feel lifted up, I feel energized.  These are some of the immediate ways I'm being given to, exchanged with, and part of the Divine Circulation.

I could've easily kept on shaving, enjoyed the initial 'Eureka!' thought and intended to write something about it later.  Something nudged me to sit down now and do it.  This is another form of giving from the Flow.  Sitting down to write it is me giving back, acknowledging and showing gratitude.  Posting it on the blog is circulating the wealth with anyone who reads it.  From there, someone may re-post it, have their own epiphanies, circulate some or all of this energy flow into their circles.  It keeps moving.  It's a Divine Commerce.

I feel abundant.  And I am.  Again and again, I come back to that line in the Yoga Vasistha, "The world is as you see it."  What I focus on, I experience.  It's so simple, I need to remind myself of it to keep it fresh and active.

Have an AWESOME day wherever you are!

30 Days + of Gratitude ~ Day 29

1. I am grateful to all the writers who've come before me, and to those writing right now.  Your willingness to be inspired, courage to express the inspiration and share it, and your discipline to keep opening to the inspiration and expressing no matter what are a palpable support for me and all writers to be supported by.  Thank you!
2. I am grateful to the Bees who keep showing up around me outside (noticeably) for the last 6+ months when I'm opening my heart.  You bookmark the power and sweetness of grounded Love so I remember it, and ingrain it as the go-to choice in every moment.  You teach me to stay at one flower long enough to gather nectar, while also not overly harvesting from any one flower.
3. I am grateful to the ever deepening impulse to clean and organize ALL aspects of my life, not just the ones that are visibly obvious to others.  "How you do anything is how you do everything." ~ David Elliott
4. I am grateful for the power of collaboration.  I'm just now leaning into this power with more active trust.  So much can be accomplished by a group of committed wisdom-keepers coming together in a grounded way.  I invite more conscious, inspired, grounded collaboration to come into my life, my business, and my playtime in ways that benefit all involved, and rippling out to all of our relations.
5. I am grateful to the power of meditation, dhyaana.  You continue to teach me ever more deeply how to focus powerfully without the use of forceful will.  I intend to cultivate and expand my relationship with you much more this year, and all the days to follow.

On Writing

Brilliant Advice on Writing from Anne Rice, on her website (posted 6/15/09):

"On writing, my advice is the same to all. If you want to be a writer, write. Write and write and write. If you stop, start again. Save everything that you write. If you feel blocked, write through it until you feel your creative juices flowing again. Write. Writing is what makes a writer, nothing more and nothing less. --- Ignore

critics. Critics are a dime a dozen. Anybody can be a critic. Writers are priceless. ---- Go where the pleasure is in your writing. Go where the pain is. Write the book you would like to read. Write the book you have been trying to find but have not found. But write. And remember, there are no rules for our profession. Ignore rules. Ignore what I say here if it doesn't help you. Do it your own way.

--- Every writer knows fear and discouragement. Just write. --- The world is crying for new writing. It is crying for fresh and original voices and new characters and new stories. If you won't write the classics of tomorrow, well, we will not have any. Good luck."

30 Days + of Gratitude ~ Day 18

1. I am grateful for Christmas.  While the doorways for me to enter more deeply into the Presence are infinite, it's one holiday that always flings wide the doors of my Heart.
2. I am grateful for the United Methodist Church.  You gave me a home growing up when I needed a community of Spirit, a community free from judgment, a place to begin birthing myself as an open-hearted leader and man, starting with Asbury First United Methodist Church on East Avenue, Rochester, NY, and the United Methodist Youth Fellowship (UMYF)...the mission trips, the Sunday nights, the friendships, the awakenings.  You made it possible through scholarships and loans for me to get through University.  Then last night you brought be back and opened my Heart wider on Christmas Eve at the Hollywood United Methodist Church....thank you....deep love...
3. I am grateful for Chanting!  Yep...while I've been a gatherer of knowledge most of my life, my real path is that of a Bhakta (the path of divine love and devotion to the One Heart)....since I first discovered chanting the "names" of the divine, I fell in love.  And it still takes me deeper into that One Heart every time I'm willing.
4. I am grateful that for all of the testing of my faith, I've never once been left high-and-dry!  Thank You...
5. I am grateful for the Writer's Group founded by David Elliott that gave me a place to get the wheels of my writing greased and moving for the last two years...into this place where I look forward to writing every day...where it's rarely ever a chore anymore.  And even on the days where it may "seem" like a chore, once I get writing the Presence comes into the foreground and I love the writing all over again.

As the Moon waxes towards Full...

Prior to an awesome visit from my Mom for a triple-threat celebration of her birthday, Thanksgiving, and an early Christmas, I had gotten on a great ride with my writing. While she was here, I managed to work out a piece one morning. Other than that, I've been focused on relaxing, connecting, and entertaining.

Meanwhile, the amount of energy...physical, palpable energy, coursing through my nervous system has increased and intensified day-by-day, to the point of discomfort. And all as the Moon is waxing towards Full.

I've felt these sensations before, usually after leading a workshop closer to evening. Now it's becoming more consistent. That is, when I haven't written.

Dots are connecting quicker than ever lately, as I allow needed information to surface rather than being on some sort of blood-hungry hunt for it through my intellect. Mostly.

This energy feels like a burning and twitching in my nerves. Mostly in my arms and legs and the center of my chest.

It's the energy of Creation. It is here to support me, and work through me. However, far too many hours have passed without using it to Create. Thus the discomfort. Not like some sort of punishment...far too old-school of a fundamentalist point of view. Just energy on the move. I have to express it in productive ways.

This morning, the first thing to come out was a poem. And clearly that wasn't enough expression. The energy is still pulsing and throbbing in my nerves. As I was walking through my kitchen, intuition simply said, "Write more. Now."

It really doesn't matter what I write about either. So far, it only seems to matter that it be more of a stream of writing that flows, rather than moving it through a whole routine of thinking and figuring out. When I try to move it through my intellect, irritation, like a scratchy 1920's wool Army blanket next to the softest part of your neck. Ick...

It's gotta flow. The more I engage with the flow, the more energy I have, the more my mood lifts and expands...the more my Heart opens...the more I enjoy EVERYTHING as it is.

It's a process of discovery for me, this Creativity scavenger hunt. Everyday I write, another clue; another dot connected. I'm grateful for all the awareness being brought to me in these ways. It reminds me of my relationship to my roof-garden. Each day I go up with water and Love to the plants, and now a whole proliferation of new sprouts throughout the garden, each day attending to this journey, I see more growth. The plants are a little larger, a little greener.

Who knows where it all goes. It doesn't really matter, as it's all good!

Where's my Yerba Mate?

Where's my Yerba Mate? Grrrrr....

I know you've never woken up feeling "not quite like yourself" right? And do I even dare broach the ontological pandora's box asking the next question? Like, what is "yourself" and how do you know for certain that what you call you is the Whole and Actual You?

From the moment my eyes decided to pop open this morning, and for at least a good 45minutes after that, my mind was spitting up. You know, kind of like after feeding a baby. It's not really personal at all, it's not the baby trying to attack or anything like that, it's just the baby's digestive system doing what it does, and spitting up (hopefully not on your new shirt!). Mind's seem to spit up, that's just part of what they do.

This morning, mine was searching for something to make me feel insecure about. Had I not gone through this a few times before, I might've actually been seduced into believing some of it. But, alas, it's not my first rodeo with my mind, and probably not my last...yet.

I have a few things in my toolbox for such "joyous" occasions, and so the first thing was to set an intention to clear the static in my mind, the second was to clean something. While fully soaped up washing dishes, a little space opened in the mental cirque du soleil and I could see that behind all the threads of half-stories my mind was spinning, behind all of that, was just this strong pulsation of energy...a lot of energy. A lot of CREATIVE energy.

Intuition kicked it, 'I didn't write yesterday, I bet I just need to write.'

You see I've found myself observing lately that when creative energy doesn't get expressed in positive ways, it seems to get twisted up inside and fester as destructive energy. Could be negative thought forms, could be false ideas about people or situations, could be unbalanced emotions; anything to bring back the familiar experience of some degree of insecurity. Something other than the freedom of Self-Love.

Oh! And to top it all off, shortly after getting up, a wrong number called my cell-phone this morning, and he was feeling rather chatty. At first I thought it was someone I knew, because he was being so familiar with me and was certain that he'd reached the right person. When we' d established that I was a wrong number, he was already intrigued and becoming flirty, and agressively flirty at that. I felt the same part of my ego that was being seduced by the "spit-up" stories of my mind, feeling seduced by this stranger on the phone. I started to feel like I had age-regressed, like I was 6 years old. That I had to be nice, that I had to stay on the phone until I was released, and even felt the familiar pull of being wanted......until,

WAIT!!!

It was like clouds burning off with bright morning Sun.

'This is not LOVE. This is a seduction. I choose love, I choose peace.'

As quickly as I moved into the feeling place of Self-Love, I could speak freely. "This isn't my scene. I'm careful about where I put my energy these days. I'm sure you're a great guy, but I'm not into the whole anonymous scene." At which point, something in him seemed to become lucid, and the call ended in peace.

Back to washing the dishes. 'I need to write,' I thought, 'I didn't write yesterday, and I have a tremendous amount of energy moving through me. If I don't use it to create, I'm going to draw in more seductions from inside or outside that don't deliver anything but insecurity. '

So here I am...writing...expressing...trusting...and wouldn't you know, I feel clear!

Could it be that simple?

So Now What?

I'm in yet another of those in-between spaces within myself. And it feels like those signs at the amusement park that say, 'You must be this high to ride the ride,' and my eyes are still trying to tell me that I'm not quite tall enough.

I get daily affirmations of the Truth coming in so many ways, the Truth of what I am, the Truth of what Love is, and how everything is connected through Love...when I'm paying attention, that is. And yet I still notice the places where my ego wants to convince me that there's something over there, around the bend, that'll make me happier...just a little more 'this', or a little less 'that'.

So far in nearly 38 years in this human suit, I've noticed a few things...for starters, I've noticed that money comes and goes, people come and go, stuff comes and goes, some meals are five stars and some are just plain gross, some nights go down in infamy while others seem better forgotten...and through it all, what I essentially am goes on being what it is, seemingly unchanged by all the outer stuff that comes and goes. So why keep pursuing the outer stuff? It seems more and more true for me that the only happiness is that happiness that arises within of its own accord, and that everything else is just temporary. Oh, and don't think for a second that I don't like and fully lick the bowl of some nice temporary happiness, like the frozen yogurt last night. That bowl of yogurt was so tasty, so satisfying, and yet on the walk home, there it was again...that internal itch that I just wasn't able to scratch until I sat down, got quiet and let my attention move within....move within free of needs and expectations.

So aside from all the intense working out I've been doing with my physical body, this is the inner workout I'm putting time into. I'm endeavoring to build and strengthen these inner muscles of my own Awareness to choose happiness from within and then enjoy the outer world for whatever it is in the moment.

Some days it's super easy, and those are the days when I feel the love flowing strong and deep. On other days, it can feel like it just downright sucks. Those are the days, the seemingly sucky ones, where I'm getting clearer and clearer (from collected experiences) when I'm really taking my awareness to the spiritual gym and building some lasting muscles for choice.

Hmmm....maybe that's a bit heavy for today. Hope not too heavy :)

I decided to write no matter what today...to keep building discipline with my writing, as when I write more regularly, things seem to move into a stronger and easier flow in my life.

Litany of LOVE

It just keeps
pouring out.
Is there no end
to this
litany of LOVE?
This is
a wild
and merry
band
of Creation
spilling over the rim
of more teacups
than potters
can bake,
Creation
cooking us
each and every
One
into more of
what already
and
always
Is.
The floodgates are
Open.
The waters are
Rising.
The writers have
heard
His trumpet
Sound,
Letting these words
fall through the hands
into valleys of
the imagination...
Rip-roaring through
aeons,
waking the sleeping
into this...
This ecstatic dance
of the
Divine.

Scott Patrick Schwenk 6/17/09