Saturday, November 7, 2009

So Now What?

I'm in yet another of those in-between spaces within myself. And it feels like those signs at the amusement park that say, 'You must be this high to ride the ride,' and my eyes are still trying to tell me that I'm not quite tall enough.

I get daily affirmations of the Truth coming in so many ways, the Truth of what I am, the Truth of what Love is, and how everything is connected through Love...when I'm paying attention, that is. And yet I still notice the places where my ego wants to convince me that there's something over there, around the bend, that'll make me happier...just a little more 'this', or a little less 'that'.

So far in nearly 38 years in this human suit, I've noticed a few things...for starters, I've noticed that money comes and goes, people come and go, stuff comes and goes, some meals are five stars and some are just plain gross, some nights go down in infamy while others seem better forgotten...and through it all, what I essentially am goes on being what it is, seemingly unchanged by all the outer stuff that comes and goes. So why keep pursuing the outer stuff? It seems more and more true for me that the only happiness is that happiness that arises within of its own accord, and that everything else is just temporary. Oh, and don't think for a second that I don't like and fully lick the bowl of some nice temporary happiness, like the frozen yogurt last night. That bowl of yogurt was so tasty, so satisfying, and yet on the walk home, there it was again...that internal itch that I just wasn't able to scratch until I sat down, got quiet and let my attention move within....move within free of needs and expectations.

So aside from all the intense working out I've been doing with my physical body, this is the inner workout I'm putting time into. I'm endeavoring to build and strengthen these inner muscles of my own Awareness to choose happiness from within and then enjoy the outer world for whatever it is in the moment.

Some days it's super easy, and those are the days when I feel the love flowing strong and deep. On other days, it can feel like it just downright sucks. Those are the days, the seemingly sucky ones, where I'm getting clearer and clearer (from collected experiences) when I'm really taking my awareness to the spiritual gym and building some lasting muscles for choice.

Hmmm....maybe that's a bit heavy for today. Hope not too heavy :)

I decided to write no matter what keep building discipline with my writing, as when I write more regularly, things seem to move into a stronger and easier flow in my life.

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