Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Why Wait?

Why wait until February 14th and the days leading up to it to fall deeply into Love? I're not waiting. But what is Love? When I say Love, what immediately comes to mind? Hmmm.....curious.

I've been finding myself nearer than usual, and regularly, to the edge of tears since re-emerging from retreat in New Mexico with my friend and mentor David Elliott ( And while some of the time, it's been motivated by what feels like an ancient sadness without any story-lines to back it up, the majority of the time, it's been the intensity of Love moving through my heart. I feel that sweet ache that comes just before the waterworks edging through my tear-ducts just writing into this.

Even this afternoon, buying almonds under the crassest florescent lights in Trader Joes, that now familiar pulsation intensified in the center of my chest, my body heated up, and I felt like I was about to cry. From what? The simple thought of appreciation for the apples, how beautiful they looked, and gratitude for all the people, animals, insects, and essential elements involved in those apples forming, growing, and making it to market.

Gratitude has been the most common trigger for the 'almost-tears' these last two weeks. And while a part of my ego (that still is under the hysterical and dated perspective that strong men shouldn't be moved to tears in public) would want to suppress this intensity of feeling, the rest of me knows better. The rest of me knows this is one the most important times of my life so far. Why? My Heart is opening to depths I always longed for, but never knew for sure would really happen for me.

So I've endeavored to keep the whole thing really simple. To gently attend to these movements by bringing awareness and gratitude to my Heart and all the ways it's now being allowed to open and express. To let go of any expectations that arise about how it may play out in some imagined future, and come back to right now, the simplicity of what I'm feeling, and the generosity of my own breath.

I don't really care if I get all that moved in public right now. And how am I to know ~ it could be giving someone I don't even know or notice, the permission to feel more deeply into his or her own Heart. No more waiting for Love, Love is here now.

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