(Huff Post) Harvesting Confidence

Why does confidence seem so easy for some and yet so completely elusive for others?

Are the people we see as confident truly standing deep and firm in their own boots? 

How do the seeds of confidence get planted, nurtured, and radically expanded?

First off, let’s dispel the tidy illusion that so many of the people you see walking tall are actually steeped in deep abiding confidence.  A majority of what you think you see are the images people are projecting and wanting for you to see.  These visions are largely smoke and mirrors.  What passes for confidence on the street is usually some form of arrogance, otherwise known as insecurity dressed up in its Sunday clothes.

In the moments when you yourself are not confident, you can be easily fooled by imagery.   Your own insecurity will be the lens through which you view life and people.  If this is your case, you may not fully recognize the distortion until you experience points of view free from this energy-draining filter. 

Abiding confidence arises through the visceral knowledge of who and what you are.  Achievements and honors from the external world only build long-term confidence when they stimulate this inner recognition of your true nature. 

If you don’t regularly taste this well-spring of confidence, you’re likely to be missing discipline around some form of meditative practice that actually reveals this true nature to you on a consistent basis.  Consistency is the key. 

One of the best practices I know of for getting a meal of Truth is meditation.  Some form of daily (ideally twice daily) meditation.  The most transformative forms of meditation I’ve come across are ones that encourage letting go of control and release the meditator from the rollercoaster ride of thoughts.

For this reason, I’m a big fan of active breathwork.  It so quickly engages the sympathetic nervous system and alkalizes the body that the thinking mind lets go, relaxation runs deep, and the heart opens.  Imprinting the mind and body to trust this opening is the biggest part of my work in revealing Truth within.

Without this constant contact, you’re lost.  All that’s left is to negotiate and barter with the external world for temporary energy spikes, brief moments of respite through food, sex, shopping, drugs, alcohol, caffeine, and other stimulants.

If happiness and confidence are dependent on another person, place, or object, they’re not yet abiding.  They’re temporary, and like all temporary things, can instantly be taken away along with your sense of self.  What follows is some form of drop in energy that will likely have the hallmarks of depression. 

The challenge in all of this is in cultivating enough belief in what’s possible to take actions, and take them consistently enough to have experiences of growth in confidence.  Which comes back to practices that bring what’s possible right into the foreground of your direct experience.

There are plenty of people working to grow confidence.  So why isn’t the work proliferating?  One reason is gossip.

Gossip is an investment in other people’s energy and opinions at the expense of your own rooted sense of Self.  And it can also appear as listening to and believing those niggling thoughts in your own mind about yourself or another.

Gossip is like kudzu in the South.  It will spread and spread and choke out anything not like it self, sucking up the water and nutrients for miles and miles.

If you listen to gossip and engage with it (internally or conversationally), your confidence can only go so deep, your sense of Truth will be distorted, and your capacity for intimacy nowhere near what it could be.  This is simply because gossip creates separation between people, and when you sow separation, you yourself experience separation.

A Course In Miracles states that “All minds are joined,” so what you do to one you do to All.

My friend and mentor David Elliott spreads a well-known magnifying glass in other words, “How you do anything is how you do everything.”

Gossip is rooted in a hidden fear of intimacy, a fear of repeating past hurts.  The irony is that gossip sows the seeds deeply for future suffering. 

Every seed must bear its fruit.  Which ones will you plant and nurture?

30 Days + of Gratitude ~ Day 18

1. I am grateful for Christmas.  While the doorways for me to enter more deeply into the Presence are infinite, it's one holiday that always flings wide the doors of my Heart.
2. I am grateful for the United Methodist Church.  You gave me a home growing up when I needed a community of Spirit, a community free from judgment, a place to begin birthing myself as an open-hearted leader and man, starting with Asbury First United Methodist Church on East Avenue, Rochester, NY, and the United Methodist Youth Fellowship (UMYF)...the mission trips, the Sunday nights, the friendships, the awakenings.  You made it possible through scholarships and loans for me to get through University.  Then last night you brought be back and opened my Heart wider on Christmas Eve at the Hollywood United Methodist Church....thank you....deep love...
3. I am grateful for Chanting!  Yep...while I've been a gatherer of knowledge most of my life, my real path is that of a Bhakta (the path of divine love and devotion to the One Heart)....since I first discovered chanting the "names" of the divine, I fell in love.  And it still takes me deeper into that One Heart every time I'm willing.
4. I am grateful that for all of the testing of my faith, I've never once been left high-and-dry!  Thank You...
5. I am grateful for the Writer's Group founded by David Elliott that gave me a place to get the wheels of my writing greased and moving for the last two years...into this place where I look forward to writing every day...where it's rarely ever a chore anymore.  And even on the days where it may "seem" like a chore, once I get writing the Presence comes into the foreground and I love the writing all over again.

Love, Clarity, and Support through the Holidays

Also, a little extra information to support you on your way through the next 30 days:

Along with the strong energy that moves in so many people during the holidays, Mercury goes into retrograde on Dec 25th until Jan 15th.  In the middle of this there will be a Full-Moon (second one this month, known as a “blue Moon”) and the same day there will be a partial Lunar Eclipse.

What does that mean?

It’s a perfect time to slow down....to slow down and minimize distractions while driving, to slow down in conversations and perhaps listen more carefully, to engage in things that nurture and uplift both you and the environments you’re spending time in, to write and play with some form of creativity, read books that remind you of the Truth of who and what you truly are, meditate, engage with the breathwork, do some selfless service, do a deep cleaning and clutter-clearing on all the spaces you spend time in..

If you engage with things along these lines, it’ll keep your energy moving.  When your energy is moving and being expressed in positive and creative ways, it’s less likely to get stuck inside and trigger the downward spiral.

If you need some more support?

I’ll be staying here in Los Angeles up until Dec 29th when I head to New Mexico to retreat with David Elliott.  I’m happy to schedule in-person and phone sessions to support your intentions.

Keep choosing to LOVE yourself, when you love yourself, you’re likely to take good care of yourself and express that same Love and care for all those around you (without having to carry anyone else’s “stuff”)...you’ll be able to let people have their process, and in-turn have more space for your own.

Have a great, nurturing, safe Holiday celebration in whatever ways most lift you up!

LOVE,
Scott

Scott Schwenk  
http://trustthebreath.com
http://scottschwenk.blogspot.com
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/scott-schwenk

30 Days + of Gratitude ~ Day 6

1. I'm grateful for my Heart.  Despite years of being lodged in my intellect, it has been supremely patient with me, waiting for my readiness to trust the Love in my Heart and let it open.  
2. I'm grateful to my roof-garden.  In the 9 months since building and planting the garden, it has continued to teach me more than many of the hundreds of books I poured through over the years looking for secrets to happiness.  It teaches me about patience, faith, and trust.  It teaches me about the power of simple disciplines over time, how the small act of carrying water up to the roof each day pays off in bright splashes of green plants and shimmering flowers as the plants go to seed.
3. I'm grateful to live in a neighborhood that has nearly everything I need in walking distance.  I intend to walk more and drive less in 2010.
4. I'm grateful to We Care Spa in Desert Hot Springs for being a consistent home for this work on Mondays for over 2 1/2 years.
5. I'm grateful to Equinox Fitness on Sunset for being my gym, my church, my practice ground for everything I'm working on internally and physically.  Along with being a spectacular place to train my body, it continues to be an invaluable place to train my mind and attention as well.  I consider working out to be one of my main spiritual practices.  More than just the physical returns, all that can come up in my consciousness being surrounded by people from all walks of life, in all sorts of moods and dispositions, is fantastic fodder for my real actual in-the-moment work with myself and how I view myself and others.  It's a huge opportunity to practice neutrality, compassion, and open-heartedness regardless of the circumstances. 

30 Days + of Gratitude ~ Day 4

1. I'm grateful for my Twitter feed.  Nearly every day, at least one tweet or more gives me a new perspective on something; a fresh point of view.  Of course I'm following people that are more likely to post that kind of thing...and I'm still deeply grateful for all the Collective Wisdom.
2. I'm grateful for the West Hollywood Gay & Lesbian Center and all of its private and corporate donors making truly valuable services available to people who might not otherwise afford them, like free health screenings.  I decided out of sheer internal integrity and the desire to confirm my sense of health in writing, to get a full battery of STD testing done (truth be told it had been way too long).  The sense of peace I slept with last night was immeasurable. 
3. I'm grateful for my apartment.  It's warm, inviting, just the right size for my needs, and the moment I walk in the door, each and every time, I feel myself soften deeper into my Heart. (note, there's actually a unit available in my building...a rare occurance...I'm putting it out there for an awesome person or couple to move into that unit)
4. I'm grateful for the unseen force that keeps encouraging me to turn ever deeper within and viscerally feel my faith through my Heart, this palpable sense of All Is Well...especially when the mind-dragons are doing their best to tell me another story.
5. I'm grateful for Water and all the lessons it continues to teach me about abundance, exchange, being a conduit, flexing my style between strong and soft based on the needs of the moment, and so much more.  And for a real eye-opener on Water, check out FLOW: For The Love Of Water.

Let It Go, Rise Up!

I was preparing to lead a breathworkshop at my healing space here in West Hollywood yesterday, and got inspired to download some new (new to my current iPod) music to to use in the Work. And I ended up creating a playlist, which I haven't done in about four years...a rockin' playlist that hit the core of the evening's focus ~ Releasing the Past as we wind down 2009.

Two of the Artists I called on are Michael Jackson ("Earth Song") and Whitney Houston ("I Didn't Know My Own Strength" & "I Look To You"). This inspiration that's moving so deeply for me around their work goes beyond the music and into their actual lived lives. Both of them have struggled intensely with insecurity and addiction fueled by and fueling the insecurity. Both of them have brought tremendous doses of inspiration, insight, and LOVE to millions through their work. Both of them have been under nearly insurmountable public scrutiny.

I wholeheartedly assert that the public scrutiny is a reflection of the insecurity and the energy of no-possibility, no self-love attempting to cultivate more of the same, both in these artists as Messengers, and in the listening public to keep things mired in illusion.

I am committed to setting the Artists and Messengers free, those who are willing...starting with myself.

Anyone can criticize. This doesn't take much intellect, reasoning, self-development, or self-awareness. It's ordinary, boring, and pointless.

"People judge what they are and rarely what they're not..."
~ David Elliott

Who are You? Remember that feeling, that knowing, maybe not so far away...the one that gave you the sense that there is something for you to step into in this life, something that would call on all of your gifts, that might wake you up further in the process, that could bring immense possibility and real actual Love into the World?

Have you failed at anything? Are you carrying the feeling of that failure around anywhere in your body, emotions, or mind? Even if it's not in your conscious experience, do you sense this resistance, this bit of stuckness that reigns you in, that pulls you back from birthing ALL that you are into your work, your writing, your Art, your Loving, your relating, your Living Fully?

What if failure is just an "idea"? What if there's not something in stone called failure?

Look out at the trees....find me a "good" tree and a "bad" tree. No such thing in nature.

These designations of good and bad are projections of the human ego arising out of fear and insecurity designed for one thing and one thing only, to keep inner division alive, to keep you and I feeling separate from each other, separate from our Source, separate from Love...and seeking wholeness, but not finding it.

I've had thoughts about Whitney Houston pop up in my mind on and off for about a year now; ever since I heard she was returning to music and in the studio recording, wondering how her voice would be after all the drug use and suppression.

Cut to last week. I had my Mom visiting for Thanksgiving week. She's obsessed with that TV show, Dancing With The Stars, and the finale was on while she was here. Whitney sang two songs for the finale. She reminded me of a video I once saw of a freshly born calf wobbling attempting to use its legs for the first time, with sheer determination to do it, no matter what. Tears were streaming down my face as I watched and listened, not because of the music itself, but because of the love moving in my heart for this women who's been through hell and back in full public view. A woman who's music stayed alive in her and brought her back to her feet. A woman who is a messenger, and whose message is stronger than the energy of no self-love, of addiction and shame and guilt. A woman willing to pick herself back up and sing again.

Before I started downloading music, I googled "Whitney's voice", and at the top of the list was a blog post by a self-styled critic who named himself after a well-known heiress. The blatant self-hatred projected as acidic attack on this women's re-awakened voice was nothing short of darkness and suppression.

Can she hit those same high notes with pristine clarity right now? Not yet. Maybe not again. But is technical skill the message of her music? Do I need to wait to write until I've gotten several PhD's in English and Writing before I let myself paint with words?

Creativity and Skill are not the same. Art conveys messages of so many flavors and degree. Artists have always been the forerunners of change and growth. Some have had well-developed technical skill, others have not. And who defines skill anyway? What's the set-in-stone metric for that? There isn't one! It's fabricated and agreed on in the public without much if any reflection on the Truth of it. It's used to suppress the Voice, to close down conduits for messages of hope and Awakening. Like so many great and powerful medicines, it's quickly co-opted and twisted by the human ego.

What's the remedy? Drop the criticism and get creating, cheerleading those who are brave enough to step out and create.

What inspires me more than skill in Whitney's latest album is the transparency in sharing her ongoing journey through darkness into expansion, into embodying self-love. It's the same thing that inspires me about Michael Jackson's music and message. And the energy of no-self love, fueled by public flaw-seeking, and very public shaming, ultimately ended the life of a leading edge visionary who's messages, while uplifting, were inconvenient to fully live by the same critical public.

We can never know the full truth about the life of another, particularly those in the public eye. After getting behind the curtain where the little wizard orchestrates the world of entertainment and media while I was working for Creative Artists Agency (CAA), my eyes were opened to the reality of these businesses. There is very little about the entertainment business that is not a business, and one HIGHLY invested in controlling, molding, and manipulating public perception. Public perception IS it's commodity, and he who controls perception controls the purse strings.

Just because something is on TV or in a magazine, doesn't make it the truth.

But how many times have you and I been led to believe something we saw in the media and create an opinion, maybe even an opinion with a great deal of emotion around it, about a particular artist? Can you know for certain that it's True?

Let It Go, Rise Up! Create! Share! Don't let the voice of the critic within stifle your creativity. Don't let lack of skill around your gifts keep you from sharing them. Skill comes from discipline; working with the tools of your craft consistently enough that your creativity moves effortlessly through them. That happens through time and effort. And it's completely worth it! The voice of the critic (and there are plenty out there if your looking for them) will always attempt to suppress this Flow.

The more you and I Create, and choose to create regardless of the voice of the critic, we will and ARE out-creating the suppression, ARE embodying and spreading the wings of Freedom.

These seeming "falures" of the past are the very medicine for awakening and freedom NOW. By engaging with the energy of these experiences that dot my past, free from judgment, in the willingness of self-love, I heal. And I heal not just myself, but all of my relations. These places I've fallen down in the past are the places that I teach from now. As I bring more Awareness to these places, they become fuel for Creation, for Love, for anything and everything.

"That by which we fall is that by which we rise."
~ Kularnava Tantra

Breath of the Heart

It's the Holidays...

Knowingly, and unknowingly...all sorts of emotions, thoughts, and feelings are getting stimulated for many of us. How will I/we meet them? Do I need to go into my intellect to "figure it all out"? Am I willing to Trust the work I've done and continue to do to anchor my awareness in the Heart? Do I need to be reminded to slow down by traffic tickets, arguments, or aches and pains? Can I still choose the foods that support my body to function in a state of grounded expansion?

As I was on the elliptical trainer at the gym this morning I was chewing on these questions.

On Sunday morning, I did receive a traffic ticket, just two blocks from my house. I was coming from the gym, and headed to LAX to pick up my Mom to join me for the Thanksgiving Week. As I was coming through the intersection, I was feeling antsy and sped up to go around the car in front of me who was waiting longer than I would've liked to make a left turn. As I crossed the intersection, I realized quickly that I needed to slow the car down, and as I was braking, I saw a cop on my right, knowing instantly that he saw me and would be giving me a ticket. I was ticketed for going 38 in a 25mph zone.

And while it was a relatively mild run over the speed limit, and I was decelerating to go even slower, the Universe was putting me on notice that once again my awareness needs to be more refined and vigilant to embody the Awareness that I'm engaging with now. What passed muster a few months ago no longer carries the day today. There's no resting on the "laurels" of my previous efforts.

There was a big spiking piece of my ego that wanted to be "right" about my actions at the intersection, even more of a red-flag that something was off and needed more attention from me.

It's important for me to know the places where I can still feel entitled; entitled to speed up through the intersection because it's my neighborhood, entitled to some form of "special" treatment for any reason. At this stage in the game, special is a way of remaining separate, and separate is a recipe for suffering. I am a healer and a conduit for healing Presence in every area of my life. As I slow down, choose Peace, and Trust, I am divinely guided into Flow in every area of my life. This way of walking through my world is more healing to those around me than anything I can say...it is the greatest way of teaching...by living it ever more fully.

The Heart is the hub of all sacred places, go there and roam. ~Bhagavan Nityananda

This week, I am making more time to take breaths into the very center of this Temple, my Heart. As I breath into this sacred space, my vision opens to see the sacredness of every space, every being, every intersection, and I treat them all with the honor and reverence and joy I bring to the Temple of my own Heart.

Heart of Compassion...

This morning, actually, just a few minutes ago, I opened an email from an Aunt of mine on the heels of listening for what I might write about today. The email is a series of pictures of Americans serving in the Armed Forces over in the Middle East with captions like: When a soldier comes home, he finds it hard to...followed by hearing people complaining about what seem like everyday annoyances to the average working American...like getting a bad night's sleep, or potholes, etc.

What touches me more than anything about this email, and has been speaking to me for some time now, is the degree of alienation these men and women experience upon returning to this country from an experience so foreign to most if not all of the people they know. An experience so outside the box of what's considered normal, and so grotesque, so filled with the things that most of us only see in movies or nightmares.

What touches me about all of this, is that place in so many of us that feels separate. That place separation can spawn so much suffering, and seeming coping behaviors that only serve to deepen the feelings of separation and aloneness that intensify insecurity and grief.

What will we do about this? Are we willing to look at it? Are we willing to look at the places of insecurity and separation within and heal them? Can working with these places inside of ourselves make a difference in the lives of the people around us? Can this inner work help people to heal just through our mere presence?

Yes...in my experience, a deep resounding YES!

A healer is someone who is willing to do the work of Loving him or herself in the presence of anyone and everyone. This Self-Love ripples out in all directions without the need for words, and infuses all words. It ricochets through my lineage setting my ancestors free as I find my own freedom through Self-Love.

No matter the feelings I or you have about war, government, politics, and international relations. Behind all the rhetoric are men and women with Hearts. Some confused. Some not so confused. And all with Hearts; Hearts that feel, that ache for Love, that long for connection, to feel seen and heard, and known.

Will you give that gift today?

Will you Love yourself in the presence of someone who's driving funky in front of you, rather than jump to judgment, irritation, and anger?

Will you Love yourself in the presence of your own illusory insecurities?

Will you forgive me for not always meeting your needs?

Will you forgive You for not always meeting your needs?

Love, real abiding Love, starting with the discipline of Self-Love is the Philosopher's Stone that can and will turn any base feelings and experiences into the Gold of Freedom.

In the words of an old friend and mentor, John King, "I Love you, and you don't have a vote in it!"

Letting The Sun In

"I think I'm solar-powered."

If I had a dollar for every time I've said that in the last few months...

And I'm pretty sure it's closer to the truth than even I know. Every morning I go up to the roof to water my garden, and spend anywhere from half an hour to an hour in the Sun, consciously. Each day I thank it, and aim to connect past some of it's more obvious attributes, like light and heat, into what it is that makes the Sun such a central force through all of Life, through my life.

Along the way, I've gathered some intel -- like this little tidbit: apparently skipping sunglasses, while a fashion faux-pas in Los Angeles, is a crucial component for how the body deals with exposure to the Sun. The eyes have a role in working with the Sun that the body is exposed to in a good way.

And I've also gathered some Yankee Inginuity from the sweat of my own brow, literally. On the days when I spend time in the Sun, I need less sleep, have more energy, and find my mood more balanced and leaning in the direction of more general happiness and ease.

Recently when I was down with some version of the Flu, who knows if it was Flu 1.0 or 2.0, sick was sick...I needed more life-force, and getting it from my morning Yerba Mate brew wasn't cutting muster. My intution told me to get out in the Sun, and get out there with nothing between me and the Sun, for days in a row. I opened my imagination, and invited the Sun to fill every part of my body, mind, and Being. And fill it up it did! After each session I felt a dramatic spike in my energy levels. Turns out this is an ancient Taoist longevity practice for men. The one for women involves Moon bathing.

The moral to the story? Get out in the Sun....fall in Love with the Sun and all it offers, all it nurtures, all it supports, namely You :)

The Little Things...

Do you have an appetite for more in your life?

Do you have an appetite for more direct experience and awareness of Who and What you Are?

Have you been diligently been doing various "spiritual" practices over many days, months, years, decades, lifetimes? And still knowing there's more to see (ie; realize)?

What if you and I are always and constantly being offered profound guidance and assistance for Awakening and everything in-between Awakening and this dream of being a separate individual human being? I can promise you we are. I too forget sometimes, and get mired in the dream in ways that can feel somewhat nightmarish, or at least unpleasant.

What if being able to recognize this guidance is simpler than we human beings make most things? What if it's really really simple?

It is.

An entry point to the awareness I'm pointing at is through the little things. Really. How many times have you (even this week, or today) walked past something that needed cleaning in the space you live or work without cleaning it? Even though it might only take a minute or two.

Let me be really super crystal clear here ----- this is NOT about blame, or guilt, or shame, or any of the other thieves of the Heart. It's not about cajoling or manipulating you towards some moralistic higher ground either (that just seems to breed annoying spiritual superiority).

What I'm being led into writing here (and working with more deeply for myself) is the practice of doing in the moment what that little voice is telling me to do. Not the voice that says, "You'd be so much happier with a pint of Ben & Jerry's right now, go and get it." Nothing wrong with ice cream as such, but it's pretty likely that the so-called happiness from eating a pint of it is going to be short-lived.

The voice I'm talking about generally won't shout, that's usually left for the ego to do. Shouting usually only comes from insecurity that's triggering you to attack to protect yourself from hurt (which doesn't really work, as by the time you're shouting, you're already hurting).

The voice I'm talking about points out regularly the little things that need doing. If you don't do the little things it points out, why should it expend any energy trying to reveal higher Truths to a resistant mind? If you're going into any sort of self-judgment here, drop it. That's not the droid you're looking for (bad Star Wars reference...).

Is it dirty dishes (even one) in the sink? Is it cleaning your house? Is it returning a phone call? Is it giving even when your mind tells you you can't possibly afford it (though you're being nudged from within to Trust and give anyway), is it caring for your own body, mind, or Spirit even though your ego is reaching for short-term comforts instead?

What is it for you?

Would you be willing to start listening, paying more attention, if you knew there would be a reward? The rewards are GREAT! Though they may not be instant. This is actually a practice to work with over time and develop consistency with. It's living life as though everything matters (and it does). My friend and mentor, David Elliott, is fond of saying, "How you do anything is how you do everything."

If you want more LOVE in your life...pay attention to the opportunities to be more LOVING.

If you want more abundance in your life, give of yourself and your resources abundantly. Even if you don't think you have material resources to give, you have time, thoughts, intentions, prayers, your SMILE to give abundantly.

It can be easier.

It can be more fun.

It doesn't have to wait for some-day.

Jesus said in the Gospel of Thomas that 'the Kingdom of Heaven is already spread upon the Earth, only men (and women) do not see it.'

Swami Muktananda, another great window on Reality from India, would say often, "The world is as you see it. If you don't like the world you see, change the prescription of your glasses."

If this speaks to you (and if you read all the way to here, it probably is calling to you) then look around and find little things that need doing, do them, and pause afterwards. Check in at that point and notice how you feel. Do you have a lift (even subtle) in your energy? You might even keep going...it'll become like a scavenger hunt -- with each completed area, you sense what needs your attention next...you get another "clue" from the Universe.

Let me know how it goes!

The Guiltless World

"If you did not feel guilty you could not attack, for condemnation is the root of attack. It is the judgment of one mind by another as unworthy of love and deserving of punishment. But herein lies the split. For the mind that judges perceives itself as separate from the mind being judged, believing that by punishing another, it will escape punishment. All this is but the delusional attempt of the mind to deny itself, and escape the penalty of denial. It is not an attempt to relinquish denial, but to hold on to it. For it is guilt that has obscured the Father (Truth/Love/Reality) to you, and it is guilt that has driven you insane."

from A Course In Miracles, p.236

Walking In The Light Without Tripping Over Shadows

Until it's some other way for you and I, until all the illusions are burned out, we must know and make peace with our walk....and recall that with the intention to walk in the Light, and the activity of putting actual consecutive footsteps to that walk, that we will face shadows. Shadows being those elements that appear real and are based on some conscious or unconscious illusions we still hold.

It's so easy to forget that shadows cannot appear without a light-source. It is the light-source that reveals a shadow. With no light, there would be no differentiation or contrast to see any differences.

So it is crucial, and of vast value to remember that even when the heaviest and seemingly most fearsome beliefs (illusions/shadows) start to surface, that there is an unperturbable Light-Source behind all shadows.

A Light-Source that when given even a little attention can change the whole human experience. It doesn't matter what tradition you find yourself waking up inside of (or outside of, as the case may be).

What matters is the recognition of Truth and the willingness to have it be North on the compass, THE organizing principle. To have regular and consistent ways and means for checking in with and placing attention on this organizing principle every day and throughout each day.

We're moving deeply into the experience of the Full Moon this week (it exacts on Sunday at 11:12am PST). The Full Moon reflects a tremendous amount of light. When this light hits any object, it casts a shadow. This is especially true on the level of internal experience. This Light hits the consciousness and wherever there still lives any form of conscious or unconscious identification with illusion, that identification acts like a gnarled big old tree in the middle of the night out in a field. When the light of the Full Moon hits that tree, a gnarled-looking shadow is cast alongside the tree.

If you look at the shadow and believe it to be a real reality (having it's own independent existence), you will have certain experiences. And your thoughts, words, and actions will arise from this illusion. Everything created from this way of seeing will be based on illusion. Anything created on a foundation of illusion will be shaky at best, and highly destructive at worst.

Are you willing to be your own "vision coach", training your eyes to see the Truth, training your will to focus on the Truth, and training your habits to become pillars of strength to support your ever-deepening recognition of Truth.

I am by no means advocating an extremist way of working with oneself. The time for walling oneself up indefinitely in a cave, monastery, ashram, or other cloistered institution seems to have passed for most of us.

As one contemporary teacher of awakening says, "Anyone can be enlightened in heaven, can you be enlightened in hell?" I hear that as a strong support to waking up and calling on the strength to stop going back to sleep even in the most uncomfortable of circumstances.

What are some indications of putting oneself back to sleep, consciously or unconsciously? Check in with your body....what's happening with your body? Is it holding anywhere, contracting in some noticeable way? Are you sitting on any emotions, swallowing them into your gut? Are you in judgment of yourself, another, or life?

Judgment is one of the clearest ways for me to recognize that I'm believing in some illusion. And when I believe in illusion, I will suffer. And only every time. Judgment is a reflection of some form of insecurity. And insecurity is one of the main ways you and I avoid the Truth. The Truth that we are already the Awakeness we seek. We are already the wholeness and Love that we search for in so many people, places, and experiences.

Insecurity is an illusion.

It feeds on lifeforce.

If you can be kept busy feeling insecure, you can be kept from sharing your Gifts with the world. You can be kept from recognizing Love. You can continue needing something on the outside to "stimulate" you in one way or another. Love needs nothing but itSelf. It is complete in itSelf. It is fulfilled in itSelf.

The opportunity opens up in the willingness to walk the walk even when it's uncomfortable. Especially when it's uncomfortable. To keep showing up for yourSelf. To be skeptical of ANY judgments that arise. To reach for the situations that consistently push you to grow outside of old views of yourself. To work with the practices that help you to See from many perspectives and points of view. Practices that help you get out of the loop of linear thinking, and feeling and recognizing the spaciousness and wholeness of Who and What you Are.

If your happiness feels tied to another person, your job, your house, your bank-account, sugar, sex, the weather, or anything else that can come and go, it's time to wake up. If you're still reading here, this is for you. It's definitely for me. I'm working with this as much as anyone. So as I was saying, if your happiness is feeling tied to anything outside of yourself, it's time to question that. Find out if it really is true that your happiness is tied to something outside of yourself. I can promise you from experience that it is not. I can promise you from experience that Spirit is real by whatever name you might call it, or not call it. There is a vast, unlimited Source. It has no judgment. Not of you, not of your choices, not of the people you know, not of politics, religion, sex, or anything at all. Judgment is born of separation and insecurity.

When I can embrace you as myself, I am free. When I cannot, I am bound. My work today is to see the Truth...to recognize the One Face in the many. To exchange with the Truth with every breath. To invite Source to reveal the Truth moment-by-moment that I may be the clearest expression of Unconditional Love for myself and all beings.

We are worth it. It is our birthright. Awakeness is. Love is. We are supported beyond belief!

Gardening Relationships

This new garden of mine (although it seems funny to write that word 'mine', and actually try believing it to be true, that the garden is actually 'owned' by me....I'm a custodian for it, even though I paid the money for everything that went into it, however I'm merely a custodian for all of those resources as well. When I pretend to 'own' things, all this worry comes with it....being a custodian feels so much more liberating and enjoyable. I can enjoy it while it's in my care, and when/if the time comes for something to move into someone else's care, I can let it go. Now I'm not saying I've got this mastered, but I'm in that class!).......so, this newly planted garden --- Wow! What a teacher it's been in just the two and a half days it's been up on the roof. I think about it all day. I have a deep love for it, the smell of the soil combination, the brilliant greens of the plants, the box it's in, the ravens, crows, hummingbirds, hawk, flies, and smaller insects that all seem to be circulating above, around, and on it when I'm up there.....the Sun, Wind, Water, and Earth supporting it.....and the Spirit that moves through me, the Garden, and in-between.

This garden is teaching me more about relationships than I could've known. And while I'm pretty young (37 1/2....lol!), perhaps some of the learning is coming through age/experience. I'm seeing myself letting go of some of the urgency and hurry-up-and-get-there-already mentality that I carried with me for most of my life. I'm finding joy in the cultivation process, recognizing the need for things to work with time....cultivating the soil, letting the roots grow, not having to tamper with the plants just to feel involved in the process, to be attentive to the garden without needing it to be any other way than the way that it is.....these are just a few of the lessons from the garden these last several days.

And this garden IS a relationship.....a very intimate relationship that is filling me with so much love and fulfilment. It comes into my dreams at night, I feel it's living presence above the healing space in my apartment.

And in the process, I've felt the very strong and supportive presence of my ancestors.....who've farmed in this country, and probably the land of their home countries of origin for aeons. In particular, I recognize my Grandfather, Pat McCreary....my Mother's Father. I've felt him around me quite a bit more than usual these last few days, helping to guide my intuition around the garden...showing me his Heart more than ever through his connection to farming and cultivating. He wasn't known as an overtly affectionate man by his family, and yet from spending time with him before he left his body, in the years since, and in particular these last few days, I see and feel the PROFOUND amount of love that circulated through him. It was safer and more comfortable for him to express this love in more overt ways as a farmer than through his human relationships. We all have our own ways and learning processes, and I honor this as his. He has much to teach me about the relationship to cultivation, patience, and nature, and I look forward to learning from him.

I'm sure I'll be sharing more here as it comes!