One of the preeminent social networking mavens, Brian Solis, put up this quote recently, "The distance between who I am and who I want to be is separated only by my actions and my words."
What are you saying? What are you doing? Who or what do you want to be?
A lot of my work with clients looks at structures and systems. You are in essence, your own ecosystem, dependent, and interdependent with more elements, people, and aspects than you can possibly imagine. Every aspect of your life is supported and maintained by a system of one sort or another, both those aspects that you cherish and the ones that you just can't seem to be rid of.
Clarity is key. Clarity in seeing what's what and who's who, here and now.
Pick an area of your life to focus on right now, to carry through this article. Choose an area that you'd like to make some change to. Got it? Good.
What do you want to change about it? Be specific.
How is it right now? What's actually happening in that area of your life here, now, in this moment?
You are saying and doing things both consciously and unconsciously to and with yourself and others that maintain this "reality". 90% of how it's going is coming from you, from your thoughts, feelings, and actions over time. That's good news. You can make a change. Now.
Many years ago when I was in sales, I remember being told that my actions today were creating my results ninety days from now. If I wanted to eat in ninety days, I'd better be on the phone, building relationships and putting projects in the pipeline now. This applies to every area of life, though my experience shows that the timelines aren't all as concrete as ninety days, some are longer, some are more instant. The variances are based on what we're dealing with. The more you pay attention, the more see the timelines.
Two of the main challenges that prevent growth beyond the known over time are placement of attention and broken agreements. See yesterday's article, The Superhighway To Happiness, where I deal with a first deep cut at how you place attention.
Before we move any further, what do you want? Yes, YOU! Really. What do you want? And are you willing to let it be important enough that your words and your actions move squarely in the direction of bringing it fully to life?
Today the bow is strung with arrow pointed squarely at broken agreements.
We all have a certain finite amount of personal energy that gets used in a number of ways, and unconsciously leaked in even more ways. If I give you a thousand dollars right now, tax-free, cash, to do whatever you like, how will it really and actually get spent? In 90% of people, there will be unconscious spending that does absolutely nothing at all to forward your stated and most precious intentions. The spending will be dictated predominantly by the five senses and how they want to be pleased temporarily, with nothing to show for it later. This is the the human condition. Until some form of conscious presence gains a foothold in the life and the game changes from habit to choice.
Where are your broken agreements? With yourself? With your family? With your co-workers? With your lover? Spouse? What have you said or implied to another and never followed through on? What intentions and resolutions have you so eloquently and emphatically stood on the bandwagon at New Year's with, only to forget thirty days later?
All these resolutions and intentions hang around like driftwood jamming and clogging the flow of a formerly pristine river. If you want to cool off from the heat and humidity of high Summer in this sweet river, you've got to clean out the driftwood and make room.
Make a list. Get excited about all the space you're making for yourself. Get lit up about having more energy available.
Take the list and deal with it, item by item. That might look like real honest conversations where you take responsibility for what you said and make it clear that you're either going to do what you said, or not do what you said. Just be clear. Communicate. Be real. Give up the people pleasing and be honest with yourself and the world around you.
Saying "Let's do lunch," when you've got no desire or intention to actually show up is a waste of precious life force.
What are you committed to? What matters most to you? Where are you actually spending your time? If there's a gap here, you have broken agreements with yourself. And if you're going into some sinking feeling of guilt or shame, drop it. Remind yourself of your intentions and simply get to work on cleaning out the driftwood, branch-by-branch.
Along the way, keep track of what your saying to people. If you're giving the sense you're going to do something, write it down, put it in your calendar and do it. Otherwise, don't give the idea that you're available for that lunch, project, meeting, or whatever.